The Wise Resources Method/Advantage

Coaching is not about giving advice or fixing people.  It is about helping people examine how they are in the world: their assumptions, their expectations and their beliefs, and how those things affect the way they operate in everyday life. 

Coaching helps people look at how they operate, based on their way of being, and how they create their world with language, both verbal and nonverbal.  The way we speak to others, the way we ask or tell, the way we listen, all are part of our way of being in the world.  Observing us, other people form perceptions of us and decide if we are trustworthy, empathetic, fair, honest, or not.  Because we see the world the way we are and not as the world is, coaching can enable us to see ourselves from the outside in, the way others see us.  What we learn from that process can help us to make better decisions about how we want to be and be perceived.

Coaches hold up a virtual mirror to clients, making it possible for them to see themselves as others see them.  We can do that in several ways.

One way is called shadow coaching.  The coach becomes the client’s shadow, following them from their office to meetings for a day or more of their normal daily routine.  The coach observes their interactions with others, their words and body language, their tone of voice and manner of speaking.  Do they listen, wait to speak or interrupt?  How does their tone of voice change for different situations and people? 

We all start the day with the same amount of time - how do they use theirs?  How do they manage or participate in meetings?  What kinds of things result from their meetings?  Do they manage people or manage work?  When do they ask and when do they tell?  Are they behaving deliberately or are they on autopilot?  How do they react emotionally to crises and disagreement?  How do they handle conflict?  Do they get angry?  What is their approach to the flood of emails they receive daily?

After all this observation, the coach is able to give the client feedback on what was observed, in detail and without judgement.  Did the client behave the way they believed they behave or were there differences? 

Another way to gather information is by collecting feedback from client's managers, peers and direct reports.  This is sometimes called a qualitative or informal 360° feedback process.  The coach does confidential interviews, either by phone or face-to-face, to ask questions about the client’s management and leadership skills, speaking habits, productivity, accessibility and other practices.  Then the coach summarizes the information and gives it back to the client without attribution. 

In either case, tbe client may be surprised or shocked by the feedback, which creates an opportunity for coaching.  This could be called a breakdown, similar to a car breaking down on the road.  It is an opportunity to take stock and look at the choices being made.  Clients often find that they may be acting or making decisions based on inaccurate or ungrounded assumptions and assessments.  They may find that they are seen far differently than they see themselves.

This dissonance creates opportunities for learning and growth.  We tend to learn when we have to and when we are uncomfortable.

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